I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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