hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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