I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
