We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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