The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize