As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
