So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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