Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Screwed.edu
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
