How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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