my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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