Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
