dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
