I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
