Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
