I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize