Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
