Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
