Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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