Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
