Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize