dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
