She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
