are you still at the devil's house?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it hurts more in the daytime
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
