a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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