Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
foreskin is a definite game changer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
