he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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