I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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