Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
