i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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