i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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