the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
