My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
