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Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
