a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize