I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
