Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
