we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
