This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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