You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
