Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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