Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize