If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
