I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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