My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
