I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
