I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
