Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
