Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
