Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
