What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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