he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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