i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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