I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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