babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
