I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
