the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
