what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
