I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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