Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
