Sry I called you an 8
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
