God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
