I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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