Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.

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(817): View more from Texas

why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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(480): View more from Arizona

My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet

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(360): View more from Washington

You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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(301): View more from Maryland

not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

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(810): View more from Michigan

I will find, mount, and marry that person.

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(813): View more from Florida

Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.

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