He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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