FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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