wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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