I feel like I'm in dance class right now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize