When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
