She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
