Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
