You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
